Like clockwork, the Spring through Summer months are filled with stress and anxiety. It’s something I’m beginning to think I’ll never be able to shake.
The weather here plays a huge role in this I feel. Not only does shit suck, but it’s consistently hot, humid and miserable.
I need to move north.
Eye strain sucks a fuck.
I need some time away from the glow of electronics. Have a relaxing night of a clear mind and some stargazing. I need to dabble in a bit of my own thoughts. Hold a conversation in my head with myself about existence, the universe and whatever else I feel like losing myself in.
Just. Be.
Out of sight. Out of mind.
It’s funny what sayings finally click the older you get.
Don’t dwell on bullshit. It’s just bullshit. And before you know it, you’re covered in it. Just leave the shit alone. Yeah, sure it’ll still stink. But if you let it be, it won’t be all over your hands and face and stuff. Which is good for you, cause that’s just fucking gross.
This time last year I was done. I had nothing left to give and nothing left to look for. I spent the greater part of a year trying to find that spark. In the end I found it. But now I’m having a hard time keeping it alive.
Life is like the chorus of that Chumbawamba song on repeat. Only the last time you get knocked down, you just die.
Several months of spending mornings completely alone working and entertaining myself have turned me into one of those “I hate everyone in the morning” kind of people. Only because I’ve conditioned myself to spend that time completely alone and in my own thoughts. Interrupt this now days and we’ll see a good impersonation of rage face.
A guess a little freelance work from time to time doesn’t hurt. It’s only when they don’t go smooth that I want to slam my head on something.
Let’s hope they stay on this track.
